i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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