i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
50% drunk capacity currently
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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