I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
