2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
