i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Congratulations! We have a period
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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