i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
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there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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