he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
