The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
