a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
