the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
