you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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