you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Randomize
