She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
And then he peed in my hair
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