i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic