Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries