I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight