Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice