I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.