I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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