We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Bring me that man meat
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
