yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
