I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
