My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
