Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
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In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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