Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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