the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i think i just lost a toe
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
