Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
