I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
