Girls should come with a carfax report
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
