I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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