If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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