I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
