Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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