i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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