I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
