I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
