From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
