Since when is my name a synonym for head?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
