I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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