some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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