we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
