I just pynch a tree in the face
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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