but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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