"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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