My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
