i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
