I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
