my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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