It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Randomize
