I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
