Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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