So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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