Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
