I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
