My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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