I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
