i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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