The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I believe in your delicious
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
