So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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