I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
