tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The power of my boobs compel you
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
