moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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