The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
