watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
