Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
