Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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